Happy Valentines Day, My Forever Love

You know Valentines Day has not ever been a huge deal for me.  Honestly, I totally agree that its's a "Hallmark holiday" and just really way commercialized.  However, Randal and I did participate every year.  This Valentines day serves as a huge reminder of first, my intense love for Randal, second, this huge hole in my heart and in my life. 

I will be just fine today though.  Randal knows that I love him and I know that he loved me.  He doesn't have to be here for the exchanging of material things. 

A Valentines Day note to my hunny bunny :

Randal, I love you so much today, yesterday, tomorrow, forever.  You are not here with me anymore, but will forever live on in my heart and forever will I carry you with my soul.  You are the love of my life and nobody will ever change that...not ever.  I promise.  I used to see you in my dreams after you first made your journey to Heaven.  I don't see you there so much anymore.  That tells me that you are at peace in Heaven.
Last night, however, I did have a dream.  I think you came to me to tell me Happy Valentines day.  I dreamed that we had one last day together.  We knew that you would die, and we knew we had 24 hours until you left. Do you know what we did?  We stayed home, like we loved to do.  We slept in, we stayed in bed all morning, then we got up and played with the dogs in the backyard, we cooked outside on the grill, had dinner, then watched movies on your HUGE HD TV ( the second love of your life). I sat in this chair with you and all the dogs were at our feet....then i woke up.  Isnt that amazing that in my dream, thats how we spent our last day together? That is what we loved to do and how we loved to spend our days.  How I wish that I still had that ...I know that you are smiling down on me from Heaven.  I wish that I could look into those blue eyes and tell you how much I love you, but you are so far away now.  I never imagined that I would live without your smile, your laugh, your heart.  Knowing that you are here with me in spirit keeps me alive.  We will be together again someday.  When I am with you again, I will never assume that you will always be with me.  I will cherish every moment. For now, I will look for a brighter day. Until then....listen to my prayers everyday.  One day, my sweet love, one day....until then..I love you so much.